Correction d'un texte en anglais

[angel-dreams]

Bonjour, j'aimerais savoir quelles sont mes erreurs dans ce texte, merci d'avance.



After a long day, the queen returned to her room exhausted. But when she opened the door she saw a man who was sitting on her bed. She believed to dream, until the man said to her : good evening !
- Who are you ?
- You don’t recognize me ?
- No. who are you ?
- Jack Scott, I was your lover before.
- It isn’t possible, I never had a lover.
- I know that you lie because you are afraid that I say to the press, but remember, you told me that you were unfortunate with your husband.
- You make a mistake, I don’t know you.
- I don’t make a mistake and you know it. If I come to see you today it’s because I need money and you are the only person who can give me so much money.
- I can nothing for you Jack.
- Maybe I’m the father of one of your children, and I will not hesitate to warn the press to have money.
- You are deranged ! I must call my bodyguards.
- If you want but don’t forget what I said to you. I will say nothing if you give me some money.
- I heard enough it ! Go away !
When the man left, the queen was upset as if she had a guilty conscience. Then she called her banker and asked him to pay some money on the bank account of Jack Scott…

[Jota Be]

Bonjour, j'aimerais savoir quelles sont mes erreurs dans ce texte, merci d'avance.



After a long day, the queen returned to her room exhausted. But when she opened the door she saw a man who was sitting on her bed. She believed to dream, until the man said to her : good evening !
- Who are you ?
- You don’t recognize me ?
- No. who are you ?
- Jack Scott, I was your lover before.
- It isn’t possible, I never had a lover.
- I know that you lie because you are afraid that I say to the press, but remember, you told me that you were unfortunate with your husband.
- You make a mistake, I don’t know you.
- I don’t make a mistake and you know it. If I come to see you today it’s because I need money and you are the only person who can give me so much money. (attention à la répétition et le "so much" est maladroit)
- I can nothing for you Jack.
- Maybe I’m the father of one of your children, and I will not hesitate to warn the press to have money.
- You are deranged ! I must call my bodyguards.
- If you want but don’t forget what I said to you. I will say nothing if you give me some money.
- I heard enough it ! Go away !
When the man left, the queen was upset as if she had a guilty conscience. Then she called her banker and asked him to pay some money on the bank account of Jack Scott…

Bonsoir,
des transformations à effectuer, des abréviations à éviter si le discours est formel (une reine qui parle quand même) et peut-être un vocabulaire plus élaboré à apporter.
On traduira plutôt presse par "newspapers"

[angel-dreams]

Bonsoir,
des transformations à effectuer, des abréviations à éviter si le discours est formel (une reine qui parle quand même) et peut-être un vocabulaire plus élaboré à apporter.
On traduira plutôt presse par "newspapers"

Je ne comprends pas mes erreurs. Je remplace i can nothing for you jack par : there's nothing i can do for you jack.
She believed to dream , c'est au niveau des temps?
je mets the devant newspapers ?

[Jota Be]

Je ne comprends pas mes erreurs. Je remplace i can nothing for you jack par : there's nothing i can do for you jack.
She believed to dream , c'est au niveau des temps?
je mets the devant newspapers ?

Oui, ça peut aller, c'était plutôt le "do" que je voulais voir apparaitre, sinon la phrase n'aurait pas de sens.
"She believed to dream" ne veut pas dire grand' chose non plus. Je mettrais tout simplement "she thought it was a dream" ou "She thought she was dreaming".
Pour mettre "the" devant "newspapers", cela dépend si tu parles de la notion même (généralité) ou si c'est plus anodin.

Pour le reste, c'est soit le temps, soit des contractions maladroites, ou des mauvaises propositions (ou encore si elles sont mal placées).

[angel-dreams]

Oui, ça peut aller, c'était plutôt le "do" que je voulais voir apparaitre, sinon la phrase n'aurait pas de sens.
"She believed to dream" ne veut pas dire grand' chose non plus. Je mettrais tout simplement "she thought it was a dream" ou "She thought she was dreaming".
Pour mettre "the" devant "newspapers", cela dépend si tu parles de la notion même (généralité) ou si c'est plus anodin.

Pour le reste, c'est soit le temps, soit des contractions maladroites, ou des mauvaises propositions (ou encore si elles sont mal placées).

D'accord merci. Bon alors dans ce cas je ne mets pas "the".
Pour le "you don't recognize me" c'est "Don't you recognize me" ou pas ? Parce que cela me parait bizarre...
C'est "in the bank account" ?

[ev85]

Je ne comprends pas mes erreurs. Je remplace i can nothing for you jack par : there's nothing i can do for you jack.
She believed to dream , c'est au niveau des temps?
je mets the devant newspapers ?

Hi angel.

Although with english words, your text is written in french, I am afraid.

Yours sincerly.