Correction rédaction en anglais

[andidi]

bonjour j'aurai voulu que 'lon me corrige mes fautes svp merci d'avance!! :we:



At the time of the Twins Towers’s attack, many people were showed themselves by their couage. Indeed, when planes hit the Waltstreet Center, heroes are entered in The Story.

When we speak of the attack of the 11/9, we think at once that the heroes are firemen and policemen, most certainly but, I think passengers of the two planes are also heroes. These men and women who have undersstood that they went died are admirable. With the film Flight 93 we have could imagine the distress in which they could be and the courage who have had.

It doesn’t forget the policemen and the firemen. This people who have risked their life to essay to save the maximum oh person. They haven’t hesitated to risk their life. Besides (on a découvert) that the firemen who have participate at the rescue had healthy problems because of the dust caused by collapse of the towers.

[olivthill]

Bonjour,

C'est très bien d'avoir déjà fait ce texte. Voici mes corrections :

Au lieu de "Twins Towers", écrire "Twin Towers".

L'apostrophe "s" derrière un "s" est admise en Australie et par certains anglophones, mais la majorité préfère avoir l'apostrophe seule quand elle suit un "s", donnant : "Twin Towers’ attack".
D'ailleurs, le possessif n'est peut-être pas la meilleure solution. Personnellement, je préfèrerais "the attack on the Twin Towers".

"were showed themselves" ne se dit pas. Pour traduire "se sont montrés courageux", utiliser plutôt "showed their courage", "illustrated themselves".

Au lieu de "are entered in The Story", écrire "entererd history". Je préfère l'imparfait plutôt que le passé composé. Mais si on devait utiliser le passé composé, il faudrait prendre l'auxilliaire avoir, "have", pas "are".

Au lieu de "11/9", écrire "9/11". Au lieu de "the attack of the 11/9", j'écrirais "9/11 attack".

Au lieu de "the two planes ", j'écrirais "the two airplanes", parce que c'e serait moins familier.

Au lieu de "they went died", écrire "they were going to die".

Au lieu de "we have could imagine", écrire "we could have imagined" ou "we can imagine" ou "we can figure out".

Au lieu de "the courage who have had", écrire "the courage they had"

Au lieu de "to essay", écrire "trying"

"on a découvert" peut se traduire par "it was found out" "it was discovered", "it was established".

[eejit]

Picking up where Olivthill left off and adding a few corrections and comments.
"entered history". I'd say "heroes made History". But I have a question in return who are these heroes? No indication, no clue about who you're talking about.
"they were going to die". Good, but "they were about to die" sounds better to my ears.
"It doesn’t forget the policemen and the firemen." What do you mean? I really don't get it.

"These people who have risked their life trying to save the maximum of persons"
Keep in mind that people is plural, so what is this "their life" doing here? "lives".
"They haven’t hesitated to risk their life." Tssss, word to word from french. "They didn't hesitate risking their lives"

"Besides (on a découvert) that the firemen who have participate at the rescue had healthy problems because of the dust caused by collapse of the towers." Can't resist, I'm translating this one:
"De plus, on a découvert que les pompiers qui ont participer à le sauvetage avaient des problèmes de sain à cause de la poussière causée par effondrer des tours."

"the firemen who have participate at the rescue" a better way to say it:"the firemen involved in the rescue".
"had health problems because of the dust caused"
Healthy is an adjective, health is a noun.
"by collapse of the towers."
two ways I'd say this: "by the towers collapsing"
Or: "By the collapsing of the towers", both could be used I think.