Correction d'anglais

[pedro623]

bonjour est ce que quelqu'un pourrait me corriger ce texte
le sujet est:" what is your idea of an attractive town"

I would like a city which everybody likes. It would be one very big city with a good geographical situation (near the mountain and near the sea). In this city there would be everybody, the young people and the adults, for the girls and boy. There would be many gardens public clean, or people could stroll, play, rest or go in for sport. In this city there would be no unemployment, but on the contrary the work with profusion. People could choose the profession which they want and where they want. There would be a very big sports complex, where the young people and the least young could practice the sport which they like. For the girls there would be a very big shopping center with all their favorite stores, where she could spend their whole days. Next to the shopping center there would be a big cinema and a tenpin bowling. For the boys, there would be a wonderful stadium of football, just like that of Wembley, and a team of very senior form. In this city, the real-estate would be very cheap. This city would distance itself from the others by its cleanness. There would be any tag and any dropping of dogs on pavements. There would be also free public transportation, non-polluting, to facilitate the transport of people and to fight against the pollution. In this city the respect would reign, there would be no theft and no crime. To conclude this city would be pleasant, appropriate, dynamic and joyful!

merci d'avance

[olivthill]

C'est assez bien dans l'ensemble pour le niveau du lycée.

* Au lieu de "one very big city", j'aurais écris "a very big city", "a huge city", "a large metropolitan area".

* Au lieu de "situation", j'aurais écris "location".

* Au lieu de "there would be everybody", qui ne va pas, j'aurais écris "there would be all kinds of people", "a wide diversity of people".

* Au lieu de "the young people and the adults", j'aurais écris "young and old", "children and adults".

* Au lieu de "for the girls and boy", j'aurais écris "girls and boys", ou "both females and males".

* Au lieu de "many gardens public clean", j'aurais écris "many clean and public gardens".

* Au lieu de "or people", j'aurais écris "where everybody"

* Au lieu de "the work with profusion", j'aurais écris "a profusion of well-paid jobs", "enough work for everybody", "many interesting and available positions for workers".

"For the girls there would be a very big shopping center with all their favorite stores", trop drole, et un peu sexiste. Pourquoi pas dire qu'elles téléphonent toute la journée aussi ? Un peu plus loin, je vois qu'il y a du football pour les hommes. Panem et circem, le pain et les jeux du cirque. N'y a-t-il donc pas d'intellectuels dans cette ville ?

* Au lieu de "where she could spend their whole days", j'aurais écris "where they could spend whole days"

Je n'ai pas de remarque particulière sur le reste, si ce n'est qu'il y a un petit peu trop de "the" (l'article "the" est à enlever dans "from the others" "for the boys", "the polution", "the real-estate", "the respect").