production de texte en anglais

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Posted by: sabah.lessilaa

Bonjour,

je dois faire un dialogue sur ce sujet: La mère de Patick téléphone à Anna pour exprimer sa désaprobation à propos de cette relation

Voici le dialogue:
hallo Ana

hallo

I'm Patrick's mother.I phone you because I don't agree with your relationship. so you should leave him.Ok!

Why?

Why!? ( she is laughing)
because you ralationship is ruining the futur my Patrick

How do you know? I think we must to meet and talk things over then we have to learn to accept me.

There is no point insisting! We are too different, aren't we?

We know? Patrick and me like the same things, and always stay together, what more we are thinking to get married!

Oh! Never!
He will maintains one's rank .Yes, he will married with a girl as us.

Really? ( she is crying)
Patrick and me have the right to love theyselves.

And she's hanging up on she.


Aurriez vous l' amabilité de me corriger mes erreurs s' il vous plait.

Merci.


Posted by: MooMooBloo

Il faut revoir l'usage des pronoms... Bon je te donne qqles indications vite fait, c pas parfait du tout hein, ne recopie pas tel quel dans ta copie
Citation:
I'm Patrick's mother.I phone you because I don't agree with your relationship. so you should leave him.Ok!

Hum, la phrase pourrait etre un peu moins abrupte... Il faudrait mieux commencer par "it's Patrick mother calling.."
"I don't agree wih your relationship" hum, plutot "I'm opposed to..."
La fin de la phrase: plutot "You have to break up" ou qqle chose comme ca
Citation:
Why?
Why!? ( she is laughing)
because you ralationship is ruining the futur my Patrick

Tu dois ecrire un dialogue de théatre ou de roman? si c'est théatre mets juste "(laughing)" si c'est roman, et bien il faut tout revoir (prend un roman en anglais pour voir comment c'est présenté)
"futurE of..."
Citation:
How do you know? I think we must to meet and talk things over then we have to learn to accept me.

"How can you know?"
"We must talk" simplement
"You should give me a chance"
Citation:
There is no point insisting! We are too different, aren't we?

Pas de "aren't we", qui suggere une confimation tacite. juste "We are too different!"
Citation:
We know? Patrick and me like the same things, and always stay together, what more we are thinking to get married!

"How can you know?"
"we are thinking about getting married"
Citation:
Oh! Never!
He will maintains one's rank .Yes, he will married with a girl as us.

"our rank", "a girl like us"
Citation:
Really? ( she is crying)

Cf plus haut
Citation:
Patrick and me have the right to love theyselves.

"the right to be in love" ou "to love each other"
Citation:
And she's hanging up on she.

"on HER" , et meme, ca ne me semble pas tres correcte, plutot she hang up"

Tu traduis trop depuis le francais. Le fait que ce soit en anglais ne doit pas t'empecher d'ecrire des choses interessantes, là on s'ennuie. Tu devrais lire un peu en anglais, des choses faciles, pour repere les constructions grammaticales et apprendre du vocabulaire et ainsi progresser.
Bon courage


Posted by: sabah.lessilaa

Merci pour votre aide mais je n' ai pas d' autre idée pour le rendre interressant.


Posted by: Nightmare

Bonjour

Voici les corrections que j'apporterais :

Citation:
I phone you because I don't agree with your relationship. so you should leave him


=> I'm calling you to tell you I completly disagree with your relationship with my son, i beg you not to see him again.

Traduction : Je vous appelle pour vous dire que je ne suis vraiment pas daccord avec la relation que vous avez avec mon fils. Je vous demande de ne plus le voir.

Citation:
Why?

Why!? ( she is laughing)
because you ralationship is ruining the futur my Patrick


=> Because your relationship is ruining Patrick's futur

Citation:
How do you know? I think we must to meet and talk things over then we have to learn to accept me.


=> How dare you accuse me of ruining his life ? Maybe we should meet and talk things over, thus i might be able to convince you that i'm not as bad as you think

Traduction : Comment osez vous m'accuser de ruiner sa vie ? Peut-être devrions nous nous rencontrer et discuter de cela, ainsi je serais peut être capable de vous convaincre que je ne suis pas aussi mauvaise que vous le pensez

Citation:
There is no point insisting! We are too different, aren't we?


=> There's no way you could convince me, you kids are so much different, aren't you ?

Traduction : Vous ne pourrez me convaincre par aucun moyen, vous êtes si différent, n'est-ce pas ?

Citation:
We know? Patrick and me like the same things, and always stay together, what more we are thinking to get married!


=> Patrick and I, different ?Patrick and me like the same things, and always stay together, what more we are thinking to get married! [/QUOTE]

Traduction : Patrick et moi, different ? [....]

Citation:
Oh! Never!
He will maintains one's rank .Yes, he will married with a girl as us.


=> he will married with a girl as us : he will married a women like us

Citation:
Really? ( she is crying)
Patrick and me have the right to love theyselves.


=> [I] I can't believe it .. (She starts crying). You can't take our love away , if we wanna get married, we will !

Traduction : Je ne peux pas le croire .. (elle se met à pleurer). Vous ne pouvez pas nous enlever notre amour, si nous voulons nous marrier, nous nous marierons.

Citation:
And she's hanging up on she.


=> she suddenly hung up on her, crying her heart out ...


Voilà. Tu peux voir que j'ai modifier à peu prés toutes tes phrases, mais ça ne veut pas dire qu'elles sont fausses, je les trouve juste un peu trop "scolaire"




Posted by: sabah.lessilaa

merci beaucoup!!!!










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